X-Pac Diary: Kane and I
by AngaSong13
Summary: About this Diary/Journal: I am Sean Waltman… this is a diary of the way I betrayed Kane and made him hurt… and how much grief I caused him because of it. Do I still love him…yes…hard to believe…but yes… Kane I miss you… wherever you are… I love you and always will. Please… Please come back... Kane/X-Pac One-Shots in some chapters of PAST memories and new.


**X-Pac Diary: Kane and I**

**About this Diary/Journal:**

**I am Sean Waltman… this is a diary of the way I betrayed Kane and made him hurt… and how much grief I caused him because of it. Do I still love him…yes…hard to believe…but yes… Kane I miss you… wherever you are… I love you and always will. Please… Please come back…**

**Dairy Entry #1: **Betrayal caused my Weakness.

I am Sean Waltman…and I am part of a group called **Degeneration X, **which I am not proud of at this moment. It was just a month when I was a happy young lad. I had a friend, comfort, happiness. Until an old friend or might I call him… my boss arrived at my hotel room when my other friend was taking a shower. He was the leader of DX and I loved DX a long time ago, but I wasn't ready to leave my friend. My friend's name is Kane… My boss was named Triple H, but he liked to be called Hunter.

Randomly he came up to me saying he wanted to reform DX and the only way to do that was to betray the "_retard_" and I was home free. He told me I had become weak in my presence of tagging and be friends with Kane. My hands clenched at the thought of how weak I thought I had become as well. My mind set an ego change. I nodded to Hunter saying how I would betray Kane the next week. …

O.K so it happened, I betrayed him… I hit him with a low blow then gave him an X-Factor. He had grabbed me by the throat but DX would come in and break it up. My ego lusted mind made me say things I didn't mean like "You're a piece of _crap_" I should've been happy at the end of the night…but I wasn't. I kept thinking on how I saw Kane's eyes stare painfully into me. Instead I was now lying in my bed pissed drunk and sobbing loudly into my pillow. I shouldn't be the one crying though, I made the mistake myself. But the tears wouldn't leave; they wanted me to feel guilty. My chest tightened and my heart pounded against it, trying to break.

You could be wondering right about now how we even _were_ friends… so I will tell you. And this is honest stuff coming from my writing.

Well… this is how it began.

…It was WrestleMania and I had seen the match between Triple H and Kane and Chyna betraying Kane. Then it was my match with Shane McMahon and I was so close to winning. That's when Hunter pedigreed me and cost me the match. He was beating on me along with Chyna and a few other Corporation members… Jessie [Road Dogg] and Billy Gunn ran out to help me but they got knocked out. I could see my vision go black and I heard Kane's music. I could feel the fire as it exploded from the stage and my heart leapt with hope but realized Kane wasn't doing this to help us. He wanted revenge on Chyna and Hunter that he chased them backstage.

For weeks I wanted to get back at Hunter for betraying me, each time failed… in the end I was the one who always ended up on the mat. But each of those times Kane would come out still hungry for revenge. But to me, I felt like he was helping me. He had won a match against Jeff Jarrett with Owen Hart in Jarrett's corner. At the end of the match, the two started beating on him. I wanted to repay him for coming to my aid so I ran as fast as I could to the ring and helped him take the two down.

…After though, he grabbed me by the throat and I pleaded with him. "Arg! Kane! What?!" I remember yelling and he quickly let go of me as if I was fire. We were backstage afterwards as I was yelling after him to calm down. Suddenly we both heard voices and I turned my head to see Shane McMahon smirking at us. Then he told us we would be facing Owen and Jarrett the next night for the Tag Team Titles. He also gave us the news that we were rooming together for the time being.

When we got to our hotel room, I remember that he had stared at me. I escaped his stare by going into the bathroom and changing into my bed clothes. Figure there was only one bed. Oh well, I climbed into it. He was unsure what to do but 5 minutes later he must've thought that I was asleep because he climbed down next to me. I think I surprised him because as soon as he got into the bed I said "Goodnight Kane…" All I got was a shuffle in response. I shrugged lightly before drifting into a sleep.

Now you may still think it was strange on how we came to be friends. Well let's keep continuing.

So we became tag team champions. Every night we roomed I would say goodnight to him, sometimes he would shuffle or not respond at all. Most of the time, he didn't respond. I felt angry at him but at the same time I didn't blame him. Who would want to be friends with me anyway? 

Then No Mercy in the UK happened. I was watching Kane backstage when I saw some Corporate Ministry members along with Shane come and attack him. I ran down to help him and he left the ring and I made sure he was okay. He wouldn't respond to me though. I finally caught him by the arm but he didn't respond. We got into the Trainer room and I wrapped his bare arm in a gauze and said "Stay here, I'll be back and help you after my match."

That promise never came true; it was _him _who helped me instead. I went to get some revenge on Shane and get the European Championship around my waist. Sadly though, Hunter and Chyna ruined it and came in. They beat me and I felt my world starting to fade. But then I heard Kane's theme and my heart skipped a beat. He came toward the ring and they slipped out. I knew he was going to leave again to go chase after them so I groaned trying to block out every sound and trying to go unconscious so I wouldn't feel pain in my body. Suddenly the air around me felt cool and I opened my eyes to see him crouching over and tapping me.

I really can remember how gentle his eyes were, even if you don't believe me. It was great seeing them. I remembered that he had rolled me out of the ring and I fell on the ground but he immediately rejoined my side again. This time, when he realized I was too weak to move or anywhere near consciousness, he slipped his arms beneath me and lifted very gently. I felt a spark when he touched me and it buzzed through my veins. He lifted me and stretched me over his shoulder and he started moving. I moved my head a bit to give myself more room when it collided with his head. All he did was place a hand on my back and continued to carry me. That's when I fell unconscious.

Later after the show I was already in bed by the time he had gotten out of the shower. I didn't say goodnight to him because it was no use. I was too sleepy to say anything but I felt a weak tap on my arm. "What is it Kane?" Kane turned me over so I was looking at him a bit. "Yea?" I asked again. He gave me a bit harder tap and I remember feeling the tug of my lips curl into a small smile. This was Kane's way of saying "Goodnight" to me. "Night Kane." And for the first time in a few weeks…

…he finally shuffled by nudging my shoulder. I smiled and listened to his heavy breathing before drifting to sleep on my own.

I always remembered hearing the story about Kane's past. How much it made me care about Kane even more. How the mask was his protector. I remembered hearing people talk about the fire. I remember having dreams sometime where I was in the fire as well and Kane came into save me. Even if he was afraid of fire. Kane didn't deserve any bullshit people gave him… he deserved a friend. A family… something I gave him before letting myself feel weak.

Even as I lay in bed now, I can't stop thinking on what Kane is doing right now. I just want to find him and sob into his chest begging for forgiveness and telling him I loved him. As soon as I realized what I did I was going to apologize when Kane's sadness became rage. I then realized if it would make Kane's life better; why not let him rip me apart. Why not let him be the one to end my life, I do deserve it don't I. It's the least I could do, right?

I am Sean Waltman… this is a diary of the way I betrayed Kane and made him hurt… and how much grief I caused him because of it. Do I still love him…yes…hard to believe…but yes… Kane I miss you… wherever you are… I love you and always will. Please… Please come back…

~…..~


End file.
